A Very Special Blog

This was written by my younger brother, but I'm posting it here because it's funny as hell- what can I say, the kid learned from the best

Composition 100
There are a number of morning rituals that take place in my daily life. They include: changing my clothes, showering, brushing my teeth, using the restroom, and applying deodorant to my underarms. Never have I taken the time to look deep into these events and break them down, until now. For the next few paragraphs I am going to give you an inside look at what goes down when you put on deodorant.

Now if you are anything like me, you tend to like to put your deodorant on in the morning. Personally, I use Speed Stick, this is mostly due to the fact that I hate the gel type deodorant. It is so cold and messy; where as the stick you just kind of put it on then forget it’s even there. Anyways, we take this commodity for granted and never really think about how interesting this process is.

It is hard to imagine that just putting on deodorant can keep you from perspiring or succumbing to the effects of body odor, yet it does. For example, let’s look at what would happen if one day I forgot to put on deodorant before I left my room. The day would start out normal, I would go to class, maybe get some food. However, the whole day I would feel dinghy, that feeling of un-freshness. As I would walk in the hall or sit in class, there would always be a faint, unpleasant smell, I would catch the scent and glance around to act like I was unaware. Every time I passed someone in the halls or on campus and they gave me a funny look I would automatically become self-conscious and curse the fact that I was too lazy to bypass that one step in my morning routine.

Now, let’s look at what it is like everyday for me, after I put on my trustworthy Speed Stick Antiperspirant. As I wander the campus of SUNY Oneonta, I know longer have any self doubt about my image or my odor. This is because I know that under my arm tiny particles of Aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex (taken from label) are working feverishly to give me the reassurance and self-confidence that all single, male teenagers necessitate. For if they fail, then my sweat glands will produce a chemical that is more toxic to my relationship status then Orange Crush was to the North
Koreans.

On average it takes the American person 4.24 seconds to apply deodorant. Yes, I made that fact up but the point is that it does not take very long yet it holds implications at the maximum level. This exercise is mundane, and not cumbersome in the least. However, as it takes minimal effort to apply deodorant, the molecular compound of the product is working around the clock on your sweat glands to give you the utmost protection and comfort for the rest of the day.